Give it a Week

Most of the time things aren't as bad as you feel they are on a Tuesday

This is a phrase I say to myself a lot on a good day to put in my back pocket and remember for a bad day…and then forget about as soon as the going gets tough. Convenient. It feels like a shiny, golden truth that’s easy to smile about from the high ground of perspective, but deep in the valley of panic becomes impossible to fathom. It’s made me laugh at myself lately. After the fact of realizing how ahead of myself I get in my worst case scenarios. It’s always a good idea to give yourself some time before you completely catastrophize, because you're probably going to realize that things aren’t as bad as they seem after the dead leg of fear subsides.

Living in Nashville and trying to get your music to the people that you hope and pray will like it can feel a lot like Oliver Twist with your grubby little hands asking for just a bit more porridge. It’s vulnerable. Around a week ago, I was finding myself in one of those artistic pits. I do consider myself one of the lucky ones. I try to keep my eyes on my own work and just put one foot in front of the other, believing that long obedience in the same direction will bring me right where I need to be. However, before I could catch myself, I was checking the number of instagram followers on another musician’s account and feeling sorely behind.

I did what I so often do and I am so lucky to do. I asked Connor if he had space for me to talk. I asked him the question that my insecurity had brought me to: “does everyone already know that I suck and are just waiting for me to realize it myself? Is everyone else in on the cosmic joke that this isn’t gonna work out for me and I just have to wake up and smell the rotten roses?”

I want to have the bigger belief that the joy is in the journey and I really do want to make it the hard way…well, until the way really is hard and then I’m just a wee bit curious if it would be so bad to find a short cut and then have to deal with the debilitating imposter syndrome that comes with success without the process. The grass always is greener, I suppose.

And may I just say, I have gotten extremely lucky with the best friend I have in my corner. He’s the master of hearing you out, taking you seriously, and then giving an honest pep talk. A good man is hard to find and my parents thank GOD that I have found someone who can listen to all the talking I do. Maybe that’s why they said yes SO quickly when he asked their permission to marry me? They seem to have been eager to get me off of their hands and out of their ears.

Anyway, after my existential, entire life-rethinking Tuesday panic, I settled back into the rest of my week, semi-content to be the tortoise in the race. Just taking one small step at a time. I continued to go to work, drive all over town, catch up with friends and go through the regular Michelle motions. And then here it came, a bolt from the blue! I got an email on Friday evening (that I didn’t read until Saturday morning) that I had been accepted as a Kerrville New Folk Competition finalist!

For those of you who are unfamiliar, which were most of my friends who I shared the good news with who politely smiled and said “I assume that’s good"?”, Kerrville Music Festival in East Texas hosts a songwriting competition that’s been going strong for 53 years. Many heroes of mine like Adrianne Lenker, Anaïs Mitchell, Caroline Spence, and Emily Scott Robinson have won this competition. It’s a beautiful community that some have described to me like Woodstock but for folkies. There’s camping, late night song shares, and communal showers. It’s been a real dream of mine to be a part of it and I’m really honored to get to now.

I was once again laughing at myself. O Michelle, ye of little faith! Right when scarcity feels like it’s reality, abundance reminds me that it’s the truer truth of the two. Thank goodness there is Goodness conspiring for me even when I’ve jumped ship on my own team.

So, this stands as a reminder for me and for you that maybe it’s a good idea to give it a week before you rethink everything. Who knows what call you could get, who you could meet, or what good news could be waiting for you?

What’s around the corner???

-will be in Richardson for the Wildflower Songwriting Competition on May 16th Kerrville for the New Folk competition over May 23rd and 24th. If you find yourself in Dallas in the evening on May 16th, I’ll be playing a set at 9 pm at the festival, so come on out!

-heading back out again in June, July, and August with RYM to lead worship again in Colorado, Florida, Maryland, and a new conference in Illinois! Thankful for this dear community!

-honored to also be a finalist in the Telluride Troubadour Contest this year as well! It’ll be June 18th-2oth. If you’re anywhere near the area, I’ll also be playing a few writer’s rounds and would love to see y’all there!

-putting out a new single called “The Rope” in the summer! Will have more to share about it hopefully very soon!

-reading a lot, sleeping a lot, hanging with my husband, and going to Y classes :)

Talk soon!

Michelle